looking for peace

can't sleep

please ignore the dark shadow in the middle of this piece

I had sold this piece at last year's Open Studio to two women, one of whom I saw today (yes, I did leave the house for a moment). 

She mentioned this painting and I remembered painting it.  I decided to post it even though the photo of it has a big shadow in the middle of it.  I will have to get  Mary Anne to show me how to fix it in Photoshop.  

I have done a little work this weekend and have a little, tiny, eensy bit of hope that I will be okay if I do the things I need to do.  Sorry if that sounds vague but I don't know you very well, do I?

water logic

radical acceptance, thinkin' 'bout

positive intentions

another

one still life - lemon

a repeat

Hyde Park ArtScene

I will be there in my  booth Saturday, July 19, from 4 - 9 pm. 

Please come.

today

Emotion.  Words.

Waste.  No clear delight.

No light under my fingers.  The room, The

Walls, silent & deadly.  Not

Music

-Leroi Jones

Note to self

Continuing to regularly post this paintings and drawings - sending my work out into the cyber ether - is a large part of my studio practice.  Right now, in fact, with this latest episode of depression I was not able to do anything other than my little sketchbooks.  

I started this blog (hate that word) - this Painter's Journal to move me into developing a more rigorous and conscious practice.  And I suppose it is in a very slow way.  Or maybe its the analysis, or maybe its the medicine, or maybe its the love of a good woman.  Who knows. I find myself thinking of what to post, what I will use for a title and, especially, I wonder, "does anyone look at this crap? If they do why don't they respond in some way? What the Fuck??'  

It feels lonely but important to me.  So I  continue.  By keeping this journal I am talking to myself, to the artist in me and I am saying, "Come on! You can do it! Keep working. Keep trying."

Analysis

Well, it does feel this way sometimes.

Less dead

The Red Wheelbarrow

so much depends

upon

a red wheel

barrow

glazed with rain

water

beside the white 

chickens.

  --William Carlos Williams

Struggling.  Of course, the fact that I can even say that is proof (to me) that I am somewhat better today. 

For the first day of summer

Saturday post

another one

I always have my sketchbook with me and make these very busy drawings. I also carry watercolor pencils and a brush so I can paint.  If you click on these images they will show a lot more detail...

recent sketchbook image

Painting on mylar

Words to live by . . .

Clownliness is next to Godliness.

I actually hate clowns. They totally creep me out.  I don't even know why I am posting this.  It is actually a perverse portrait of someone and after I drew it I realized the clown connection.  She always creeped me out, too. 

I

SOLD!!

I sold a painting!!  The above, Wandering Thought #1, is now in the private collection of Ellen and Campbell Burke of Jamaica Plain, MA. 

Boy, do they have good taste!!

 

new work

May Day

My friend, Steven, is in Istanbul on an artist grant.  There is rioting there. The Turkish police are hosing down the rioters.  Steven is stuck in his hotel room, aware of what is happening in a city he has come to love.  He has a wonderful blog at http://letterfromIstanbul.blogspot.com about his trip.

The above sketch was of some Palestinian children during the Intifada a few years ago.  One child was made to kneel in front of the soldiers.  

no sale

So no sale.  Felt awkward, stupid.  Ah, what the hell.  Its not like I can stop painting.  And what if my work is no good?  Does that mean I must not do it?  Do I even have a choice? 

It would be nice to be successful but knowing me I would probably doubt that too. 

Anyway, bad day.  And my tooth HURTS.

trying to make a sale

So tomorrow I am showing a few of my paintings to a person  at a nearby hospital.  She may be interested in buying this one, maybe a few others.  I am anxious.  That is an understatement.  I am terrified and if I could not go I would.   It is an ordeal to show my work to anyone much less someone who will be judging it.  

   

Ghost drawings

Thor

This is Thor Moen, a sweet young man who lived in our building with his girlfriend Lisa Cleal, a talented illustrator (www.lisamaycleal.com).   Before they moved to Montreal I took some photographs of them and used them to do some drawing/paintings.  If they had stayed longer I would have  loved to have them pose for me.

Stephen Collins

My nephew, Stephen, at the airport in Kansas City. 2005

more sketchbook

Great Men, mostly white, one orange

For Debbie

Sketchbook page from 2005.  What the hell is he thinking?

Analytic session

Letter to my Mother

Today is my Mother's birthday.  She would have been 86 years old.

Large Painting

I have been sick for the past few weeks.  Feeling lousy.

This is a large, 5 feet by 5 feet, painting I did a few months ago.   Thought I would try and get into the habit again of posting images.  Mostly what I have been doing lately is scanning pages from old and not-so-old sketchbooks into my Mac.   I had so little energy that was about all I could do.  Then I would fix them in Photoshop, make them oriented and sized properly, etc.

Today I tried to do some work and was so empty I had nothing, nothing to say.  Frustrating.  Got to keep fighting. 

Lucian's Irishman

This is a drawing I did after I saw some of Lucian Freud's etchings.  His etching line was exactly what I wanted  to get with my technical pens... I added the watercolor later.  for some reason I wanted him to be an Orangeman, not a catholic.

This is old drawing of mine but I was reminded of it because of the Freud show at MOMA.  I tried to get down to NY last week. Wasn't able to go.  

West End 2, Jones Beach, January 2007

Cranberry Sky

12" x 12", oil on canvas.