THOUGHT FOR 2008

"You seem the same as always, and being you, hate every minute of it. DON'T!  Learn to say "Fuck You" once in a while.  You have every right to.

Just STOP worrying, looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, gasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, rumbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling, scumbling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling, nose-sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking, long- waiting, small-stepping, evil-lying, back-scratching, searching, perching, besmirching, grinding, grinding, grinding away at yourself.

STOP IT AND JUST DO!

DO MORE.

  More nonsensical, more crazy, more machines, more breasts, more penises, cunts, whatever - make them abound with nonsense (. . .)  You belong in the most secret part of you.  Don't worry about cool, make your own uncool.  MAKE YOUR OWN, YOUR OWN WORLD. 

If you fear, make it work for you - draw and paint your own fear and anxiety. (. . . )

You must practice being 

STUPID,

 DUMB,

 UNTHINKING,

 EMPTY. 

THEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO !!!!

I have much confidence in you and even though you are tormenting yourself, the work you do is very good.  Try and do some BAD work.  The worst you can think of and see what happens but mainly relax and let everything go to hell"

from a letter to Eva Hesse from Sol LeWitt, 1965

saying goodbye to 2007

About Jane #6

Jane Collins, Milly Coletto, Anna Pankow, Mary Collins Kastner

Dear Mary,

Barbara forwarded your email to me and I was so glad she did.   I know how sad you must be without your Mom.  The world has become a much more barren place without Milly and my mom.  All the Hughes girls, as you put it.  

Much of the work I have been doing this year is because of the loss of my mom. And my father's sister, Mary, died a few weeks ago.  She was buried in River Head, out on the island with a military service (she was one of the first woman Marines, is that wild?). Liz came up from Fla. and Bebo and Lynne came out from the city and I took the ferry down and met them. 

 

I don't go out much. I am scared most of the time and am really struggling with depression. I am fat, don't move, etc.  A real mess. But I am painting and trying to get my work on the web. 

  

When we spread my mother's ashes at Jones Beach last January the wind was not blowing off the water.  It usually does and we had been worried the ashes would blow right back at us. For some reason (God? My Mom? Global Warming?) the wind was blowing sideways, along the beach and I took a handful of her ashes and threw them into the sky and then, one by one, we all did.  The wind took the ashes and swirled them around and around high into the air and they were all part of the sea and the sand and the sky. Mary, it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.  

We were all stunned. None of us expected it. In fact, I have spread lots of ashes of my friends over the years and never did I see anything like that.

On the way back to the car we were all quiet and I was picking up shells like we used to do with my mom.  I saved a bunch of them.  Not whole shells but those beautiful pieces worn and softened by time. And I carried 4 of them around in my pocket for the rest of the winter. I was finishing up school, which was very difficult for me and I would hold the shells and rub them and think of my mother soaring up into the sky at the beach she loved so much.  It helped get me to graduation.  In fact I never would have attended graduation or the honors convocation the night before if not for my Mom's memory (and the support of people who loved me).  I had one of the shells with me throughout the ceremonies and I would hold it and feel it's 'eternal-ness' when things got tough.

I have done drawings of the shells and more drawings.  I just keep at it, I don't know why exactly but it helps and doesn't help at the same time.  No, it helps but it makes her death more real and it gives me a way to make something of it.  

I got down to Long Island to my Aunt Mary's funeral in little steps. I did not know if I could do it because of my panic but I thought if I could get in the car and then if I could drive to New London I might be able to get on the ferry. And I thought if I got on the ferry I could stay in the car and maybe feel safe for the journey across the Sound.  I got on the ferry. I could not believe it.  And once I was there I couldn't very well get off the boat. So I made it to the funeral which was very important to me, to see my cousins, Tommy and Jimmy. 

So I think it is all incremental, little steps. Thats what I am told and I hope its true.  

I would also love to see you, Mary, and I know Maureen would (even Romeo has asked about you).  Let us know what we can do. Please. Hope to hear from you.

Love, your cousin,

Kathryn (and Maureen)

About Jane #5

About Jane #4

About Jane #3

About Jane #2

About Jane #1

Thought series #4

30" x 48, oil and acrylic on canvas.  The acrylic was done in 2005.  I still have some finishing touches to do on this so it won't be finished until 2008! The acrylic was part of another series of mine.. I guess I work in series most of the time.  I started doing self-portraits in my sketchbook in October and have kept doing them.  I recently did another painting (60' x 60") that I realized was based on color studies I had started years ago and those are continuing.  I wish I had 60"x60" canvases lying around the house. And loads of paint.

The original acrylic had the greenish background and also the window-like shape in it.  I had, in my best art-school excitement, used the proportions of the golden mean to plot.  In art school you can get killed for being too enthusiastic, unless, of course, you are copying your painting professors enthusiasms.  But I was curious about whether the proportions would make a difference. Maybe they would have if the painting were better.

But when I decided to use the canvas that shape became a major influence on the painting. It did seem to exert an energy that I reacted to and I am satisfied with the work so far. Then the window, or energy field, crept into the rest of the work and is a factor in the pieces I am continuing to work on.  

The first of the 'thought' paintings

First one. I started it back in September, finished it in November.  I have one more to post although I am working on another one now... These are all 36" x 36". A size I like especially for the experience of the first gestural loop of the 'thought'. But I ran out of canvases in that size so I grabbed a painting I had done in school and painted over most, but not all, of the first painting (acrylic) in oil.  I will try and post that today. 

Another Painting

Second in the series.  I needed to name the file when I first saved the photo of these paintings and I called them 'Thought'  paintings.  So this is 'Thought #2'.  (It is also Maureen's favorite)

A painting

Pretty recent. 36 by 36 inches.  Part of a series I started in September.  #3 or 4. 

Tired.  Thought I would post a piece from one of my  sketchbooks. Pretty recent.  Reminds me of my Mom.  Lately, everything does.

My friend, Debbie, gave me the title for the ink piece from a few days ago.  She said it looked like a dog that had swallowed a cat. So that is the title, 'Dog Who Swallowed a Cat'. Thanks, Deb, you bailed me out again!

Thinking of my mother

This is one of a series of drawings of sea shells I found on Jones Beach last January.

I can't think of a title for this one

I used these new watercolor inks I found at the art store and loved them. But the colors faded so quickly it broke me heart.   I should sue...

painting of the day (from yesterday)

For my cousin, Jimmy

Hey, Jimmy 

Is this the sketchbook page you liked from my website? Let me know and I will send it to you. I need a piece of cardboard that would fit it.  Also, what is your address?

Regards,

K

In the digital world, no one can hear you wrinkle...

I love this print. It is one of a series I did in art school from five plates, using aquatint, intaglio, drypoint, stencils. Each one was unique and depended on the order and orientation of the plates, the colors of the inks and the wiping. I have sold one of them, maybe two. One hangs in my analyst's office, one my sister has one in NY (and a beautiful job she did framing it, too) and one my friend Debbie has but I don't know if she has framed it yet. I have two left and I take them out once a year at least to look at.

That is the thing about prints, though, they do need to be framed and framed well or it almost isn't worth it. One of the prints I have left is on a big piece of paper that is a bit wrinkled and really needs to be dampened and pressed - a process I know very little about. But in the digital world, no one can hear you wrinkle.

If I had the money I would frame one. (Actually, if I had the money I would help pay the mortgage or buy a few huge canvases or put more memory on my Mac or about a dozen other things)

This post is the thing, you know. For me to write about my work openly, to really say what I think about it...what works what doesn't according to my lights and no one else. . . . well, that is what I am here to do.

I think this print is fabulous.

So this is my first post. My intent is to use this blog to show my artwork as it is in process. Further, I want to help myself begin to figure out my path as an artist. And my path in the business (I hope) of art. I have a lot of work I want to post and I don't know that I will have so much text to go with it. We will see. If you are visiting, thank you.

Kathryn